Sorry in Chinese: 不好意思 vs 对不起 — and Which to Actually Use

If a textbook taught you 对不起 (duìbuqǐ) for "sorry," you're not wrong — but in everyday life, Chinese people say it far less than you'd expect. For most small moments — getting attention, squeezing past, being a little late — they say 不好意思 (bù hǎoyìsi). Reach for 对不起 in those situations and it sounds oddly heavy, like apologizing for a serious wrong when you only bumped an elbow.

对不起 is heavier than you think

对不起 (duìbuqǐ) is a real apology. You use it when you've genuinely done something wrong — hurt someone, broken a promise, made a mistake that matters. It carries weight. Use it for tiny everyday things and it comes across as dramatic, even a little awkward.

不好意思 is your everyday "excuse me / sorry"

不好意思 (bù hǎoyìsi) literally means something like "embarrassed," and it's the phrase locals reach for all day long: to get someone's attention, to interrupt politely, to squeeze past, to ask a stranger a question, or to say sorry for a minor inconvenience. It's lighter, warmer, and far more common than 对不起 in daily life.

Real examples

• 不好意思，请问洗手间在哪儿？(bù hǎoyìsi, qǐngwèn xǐshǒujiān zài nǎr?) — "Excuse me, where's the restroom?"
• 不好意思，让一下。(bù hǎoyìsi, ràng yíxià.) — "Sorry, can I squeeze past?"
• 不好意思，我来晚了。(bù hǎoyìsi, wǒ lái wǎn le.) — "Sorry I'm late." (casual)
• 对不起，是我的错。(duìbuqǐ, shì wǒ de cuò.) — "I'm sorry, it was my fault." (a real apology)

Bonus: 不好意思 can also mean "embarrassed"

You'll also hear 不好意思 used to mean shy or embarrassed: 我有点不好意思 (wǒ yǒudiǎn bù hǎoyìsi) = "I'm a little embarrassed." Same phrase, doing double duty. There's also 抱歉 (bàoqiàn), a more formal "my apologies" you'll see in writing and professional settings — heavier than 不好意思, smoother than a dramatic 对不起.

Keep learning

• Kuài (块) vs Yuán (元): How Chinese People Actually Say Money
• What 好好 (hǎohǎo) really means
• Chinese phone & room numbers